Breakups can be one of the most stressful, painful, and emotional experiences of our lives. Whether you wanted the breakup or not, they can turn our lives upside down and trigger unsettling emotions that can launch us into uncharted territory. Despite the reason for the split, breakups represent loss, not just of the partnership, but also of the commitments and dreams you both once shared.
Romantic relationships are filled with such extreme emotions that when they end, we are left feeling lost, with a profound sense of disappointment and grief. You may start to question everything in the wake of a breakup, with uncertainties about the relationships with shared family and friends, what the future will look like, and even your own identity.
While the pain and disruption that comes with a breakup can take a long time to heal, there are ways you can help the process along. Therapy can help you cope with the loss by developing healthy strategies that will allow you to move on with hope and optimism. Here are some more tips to help you heal after a break-up.
1. Remind Yourself That It’s OK to Have Conflicting Feelings
Even if you instigated the breakup or you know in your heart the relationship was toxic, this doesn’t mean it’s easy. On both sides, it’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused, frustrated, and even exhausted while looking anxiously toward the future. Especially in cases of divorce where a marriage breaks up after 30 years, it can be nearly impossible to think about what the future holds for you as an individual after being part of a couple for so long. It’s important to accept these feelings, understand they’re all normal, and know they will lessen with time.
2. Give Yourself a Break
It’s easy to blame yourself for a breakup. But give yourself permission to fall back, do what you have to do to heal, and function at less than 100 percent for a while. You’re not a superhero. You have to take the time necessary to heal, grow, and move on with renewed energy.
3. Share Your Feelings
Don’t go it alone. Don’t feel as though you’re burdening friends and family with your problems. That’s why they are there: to help you through. You may consider joining a support group where you can share your story amongst others with similar experiences. Consider signing up for therapy with a licensed professional. Whatever it is, refrain from isolating yourself, which can actually increase stress levels, reduce concentration, and impact your overall health.
4. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
Grief is natural. Grief is real, and it can’t be pushed aside. Within any breakup, there are multiple losses, such as:
- Loss of shared experiences and companionship
- Loss of support (social, financial, intellectual, emotional)
- Loss of hopes, dreams, and plans
Allow yourself to feel these painful losses, understand them, and embrace them, as grieving is an important part of the healing process. Experiencing that pain is exactly what’s going to get you through to the other side.
5. Remind Yourself of Your Future
Maybe you can’t envision a future without your former partner at the moment. That will come naturally in time. But it’s important to realize that you do have a future without that person. You’ll have to re-adjust your dreams and goals, even though it’s hard to set aside those aspirations that were once so prominent. Of this, be sure: you will develop new hopes and dreams to replace the old ones.
6. Know the Difference Between Breakup Grief and Depression
Grief can seem paralyzing immediately after a breakup. However, little by little, day by day, that grief should lessen. However, if you are feeling stuck after several months and the sadness is not lifting, you could be depressed. Speaking with a licensed therapist can help you determine the difference.
7. Nurture Yourself
Take time for yourself each day to engage in soothing and calming activities. Go for coffee with a good friend, take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, take a bubble bath, get a massage, read a book, meditate, or take a yoga class. Self-care is a vital part of healing, so don’t neglect your own physical and mental health.
Contact Us For a Free Initial Consultation
If you’re struggling with how to cope with a recent breakup or divorce, schedule your free consultation with Growing Together Preventive & Psychological Services. We offer individual and couples therapy to help you learn positive coping strategies as you heal after a break-up.
